Monday, 15 June 2009

Feeling lost

I'm not sure how or what to write tonight but having received so many good luck wishes I just feel I have to do this.

Sadly poor Zahirah lost her fight for life this morning after a very up and down ten days. If I'm honest in my heart of heart I knew last night things were not got good and I was going to lose her.

I spent most of the night laid on the bedroom floor next to her willing her to fight but she just got too weak. By 7am this morning I knew I was going to have to call the vet as she was beginning to infrequently struggle for breath and I couldn't bear to see her in pain or suffering.

Poor Blossom quite clearly realised yesterday that she was going to lose her baby because she lost all interest in her and when I took her out for a wee in the evening she didn't even bother to get up and come over to see her which she had done on every other occasion.

Having spent almost every living moment with Zahirah for the last ten days I can't begin to tell you have devastated I am, I feel like I failed her.

8 comments:

Zanzibah Alpacas said...

Oh Debbie, you have not failed her at all, you dedicated all your time and effort in to giving her the very best chance of survival. You must not feel that you did not do enough, you did ! more than enough... 10 days of trying to help her, not many people would try for so long, you gave her the very best that you could. I was so sad and sorry to read your note on my blog tonight, I knew you would be down I just sensed it..you have had a really rough time lately... Im hoping its going to change for you, its got to. My thoughts are with you, take care...try to think of the nicer times, there just round the corner...Honest ...Jayne x

Perry Wheeler said...

Debbie, there's nothing more that you could have done. When you work so hard to bring them through it's almost like losing a family member, no... it can be worse sometimes, because it's you that has been providing the care without hospitals, doctors and all the other support to share the weight.
There's nothing wrong with feeling devastated at the moment, even the biggest breeders have sick animals that are special, that they go the extra mile for and that break them up when they lose them. Get out in that paddock and spend some real quality time with the herd - they'll help to mend things - they're good at that.

Perry

janet said...

Never ever think that you have failed her. You gave her every chance you possibly could for her to survive. Without your dedication,care and love you gave her she would not have had a chance of life. It is really heartbreaking that she lost her fight for survival. xx

Mark said...

Debbie,

So sad to read your news. Having followed the story of Zahirah it was obvious that you were doing everything that could be done to give her a chance. Sometimes things are just meant to be and no matter how much we try we can't change things.
I have to echo Perry's advice, get out there and immerse yourself in the herd, they'll show you that even with these tragedies life goes on.
I'm sending you a huge hug, should be with you at about 9 0'clock.

Mark

Suzanne said...

You tried so hard that nobody , not even you , can think you failed her .All the above advice is good . Sometimes you just cant save them and then its for a reason .

Lucy said...

Oh Debbie, don't be hard on yourself. It is so easy to blame yourself when something like this happens, and that is the natural course of things. We all do it! However, it is never actually our fault and in time we can see this. It is nature.... it is just how she was. She was born too early to survive and her little body was not ready to function properly in the world. She is at least now at peace and her mum and you can move on when you are ready. I would second and third the advice to look to your other crias and enjoy the times you have with them. They are out there waiting to be admired and looked after!!! Well done with your efforts - you did more than many people would do. We lost a lovely little boy last year and it felt horrible for a few days. Take it easy and try to recover because doing intensive care takes it out of you. Our best wishes, Lucy and Gerry xxx

Knapper Alpakka said...

There was nothing more you could do, Debbie.
So sorry this happened to you. We were both hoping this would all end up in a good way.

Lindy said...

Debbie, my condolences. I know how much it hurts to lose one that you fought so hard for. Tomorrow is a new day!